The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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