having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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