but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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