I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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