I want to walk on stilts...naked
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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