Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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