That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
