I am puke
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My life is pants optional.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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