I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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