He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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