btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
