So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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