When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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