somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
