i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize