Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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