yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
