Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
