roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
