i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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