I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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