sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
