You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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