WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
