Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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