I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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