I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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