I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
