You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
