The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
