Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
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Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
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She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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