This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
