i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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