I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
