We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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