census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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