Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize