you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
