btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
