Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize