If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
