I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
