I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
