How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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