help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
