Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
third nipple confirmed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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