Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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