I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
