Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
two words: eviction party
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
