Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
