all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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