I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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