Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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