by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize