i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
