I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
