obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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