Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
