if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
