Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
