Duck Duck Cougar?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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