wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need a burrito and a hug.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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