he was CRYING into my vagina
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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