another moral hangover. fuck.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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