I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
