Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
