went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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