The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
