I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
