She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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