My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
