My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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